Celebrations and emotions.

Tomorrow will be my 21st injection of Buserelin and my first scan to check it is doing its job. It’s been a pretty rough few weeks. Not because of the injections but I have potentially had covid! I say potentially because despite 3 negative PCRs I was one of the 63,000 who then recieved a text to say they potentially had a false negative!

6 weeks ago it started with a temperature, sore throat, headache and general aches so I took a PCR and it was negative. A few days later the cough and breathlessness started. I spoke to the GP who advised me to get another PCR but to get to A&E if my breathing got any worse. Negative. I started to improve but he cough and pain in my chest and back persisted. I went back to work, even managed a netball match and thought all was good. Then one night, my breathing got worse again, temperature went up to 38.5 degrees and I felt like I had been hit by a bus. 2 and a half weeks after that my breathing has improved again, I can actually walk around my house and not have to stop. But now, I feel I could sleep as much as my cats do!

My biggest concern was my IVF. I was terrified that it would get delayed again. If it was this time last week there is no way I would consider the scan tomorrow but I now feel like I am good to go!

So tomorrow, on my 39th birthday, I will be scanned to check the thickness of the lining of my uterus. If all goes well I will be given the go ahead to add the next injection into my daily routine.

39… another reason I do not want any more delay to the process. That’s 1 year until I am 40. I didn’t mind being in my 30s, obviously 20s were the best but that number 4 feels like it has HUGE significance, particularly when it comes to having children. 40… that’s the age that children start thinking you are ancient! I remember being a child and thinking 40 was so far I the future it would never happen. But now it is just 365 days and 3 hours away.

I don’t feel it. I still feel 21. Ok, so my joints creak a bit more and last year I had to call and ambulance when I got stuck on the floor because my back had gone into spasm… but deep down, I just don’t feel like 40 is so close. I know I am going tosound like my grandmother now but seriously, where did my life go?!

It’s usually this day every year I sit and ruminate on time and how cruel it is that we can’t go back. Although, if like me you watch science fiction, you know that time travel could cause all sorts of issues of its own!

Anyway, I digress! This is not a science fiction blog… this is a blog about a woman in her late 30s who is facing her biological clock which seems to be ticking at an ever increasing rate! Had things gone to plan with IUI number 1, I would be 8 months pregnant by now. But it was not to be. So here is to IVF, positive thoughts and another birthday!

Stay safe everyone and ciao for now. Xxx

Apologies for any spelling or grammar errors… I really am exhausted!

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