Tag: covid 19

Time flies!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

Well, I’ve been meaning to write and before I know it weeks have gone by! Since I last wrote I have discovered I potentially have somethings known as POTS (Postural Tachycardia Syndrome) which is related to Long Covid. Covid, the gift that keeps on giving! This is the reason for the feeling faint and the palpitations. Standing up for more than a few minutes is still proving to be an issue and I have to be pretty careful when getting up in the night or first thing in the morning.

I also have gestational diabetes so I get the joy of pricking my finger four times a day to check my blood sugar levels. Most of which have been fine and controlled with diet. It’s just the pesky fasting blood sugars after a night’s sleep that won’t behave, so I have been started on insulin at night.

I’m still off work at the moment which I am finding frustrating but having now been signed off until the end of term I need to get my head around the fact I won’t be going back until after the baby is born. I am really missing work but I know I need to put Snoops first and me passing out in the middle of a classroom is probably not going to be ideal!

So now for something a bit happier! In was thrown an absolutely amazing baby shower by some wonderful friends last weekend. Snoops and I were thoroughly spoiled and it was so nice to have some gorgeous people there to share it with. I was very much entertained by the attempts at plasticine babies as well as hearing some of the responses to the questions about me! I was very chuffed to find out that my mum won that one!

I had some gorgeous presents and I definitely don’t need to think about clothes for the first three months! Thanks everyone!!! To cap off an already lovely day I then had dinner with my cousins and their amazing partners. I pretty much slept the whole of the next day but it was totally worth it!

I am currently sat in the day assessment unit to find out whether I have leaking waters or not! I’m 32 weeks tomorrow so I’m really hoping not! Warning for the upcoming TMI. I’ve definitely had some sort of leaking today, which I haven’t had before. It could just be the joys of normal pregnancy discharge (don’t say I didn’t warn you!) but better safe than sorry right! No contractions or tightenings so I’m not even thinking about preterm labour, in fact I’m pretty sure it’s nothing. After all other than the diabetes the pregnancy has been pretty straight forward… it’s me that’s the nightmare!

I’ll let you know how it goes!

Stay safe and ciao for now! 😁

Celebrations and emotions.

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

Tomorrow will be my 21st injection of Buserelin and my first scan to check it is doing its job. It’s been a pretty rough few weeks. Not because of the injections but I have potentially had covid! I say potentially because despite 3 negative PCRs I was one of the 63,000 who then recieved a text to say they potentially had a false negative!

6 weeks ago it started with a temperature, sore throat, headache and general aches so I took a PCR and it was negative. A few days later the cough and breathlessness started. I spoke to the GP who advised me to get another PCR but to get to A&E if my breathing got any worse. Negative. I started to improve but he cough and pain in my chest and back persisted. I went back to work, even managed a netball match and thought all was good. Then one night, my breathing got worse again, temperature went up to 38.5 degrees and I felt like I had been hit by a bus. 2 and a half weeks after that my breathing has improved again, I can actually walk around my house and not have to stop. But now, I feel I could sleep as much as my cats do!

My biggest concern was my IVF. I was terrified that it would get delayed again. If it was this time last week there is no way I would consider the scan tomorrow but I now feel like I am good to go!

So tomorrow, on my 39th birthday, I will be scanned to check the thickness of the lining of my uterus. If all goes well I will be given the go ahead to add the next injection into my daily routine.

39… another reason I do not want any more delay to the process. That’s 1 year until I am 40. I didn’t mind being in my 30s, obviously 20s were the best but that number 4 feels like it has HUGE significance, particularly when it comes to having children. 40… that’s the age that children start thinking you are ancient! I remember being a child and thinking 40 was so far I the future it would never happen. But now it is just 365 days and 3 hours away.

I don’t feel it. I still feel 21. Ok, so my joints creak a bit more and last year I had to call and ambulance when I got stuck on the floor because my back had gone into spasm… but deep down, I just don’t feel like 40 is so close. I know I am going tosound like my grandmother now but seriously, where did my life go?!

It’s usually this day every year I sit and ruminate on time and how cruel it is that we can’t go back. Although, if like me you watch science fiction, you know that time travel could cause all sorts of issues of its own!

Anyway, I digress! This is not a science fiction blog… this is a blog about a woman in her late 30s who is facing her biological clock which seems to be ticking at an ever increasing rate! Had things gone to plan with IUI number 1, I would be 8 months pregnant by now. But it was not to be. So here is to IVF, positive thoughts and another birthday!

Stay safe everyone and ciao for now. Xxx

Apologies for any spelling or grammar errors… I really am exhausted!

So close!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

What a Christmas it has been! We were very lucky to have a fairly normal Christmas even though my brother was on a deadline to get back to Wales before it closed!

I feel very blessed to have such an amazing family and friends who have been checking in with me to make sure I am not too lonely, it makes me realise despite not yet having children of my own I am still surrounded by people who love me.

Since I last wrote I have also had my offending tooth removed and my mouth is finally pain free… just in time for the Christmas turkey!

And of course the dreaded blood test.. something I have come to dread! I phoned today for the test result and… 2.8! Part of me wants to jump with joy and part of me wants to scream! So close to that 2.5 but still soooooo far! The clinic is closed for the Christmas break so I need to wait to speak to them next week but with treatment in touching distance, could 2021 be my year? Of course there is also the question of the covid vaccine? Not tested on pregnant women and not being anywhere on the list… should I wait for the vaccine???

It’s safe to say nothing is simple at the moment!

Happy Christmas (or any other holiday you celebrate) and Happy New Year!

Ciao for now.

Ups and Downs

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single women, mental healthLeave a comment

It’s been a weird week this week. I started off feeling so positive at the start of the week! Then yesterday happened. I don’t know why but I just felt so low. I had been in work the day before and I loved seeing the children and colleagues that were also working. We also had some absolutely amazing donations of food for our families that need more support. It was such an overwhelming gesture of kindness that actually made us cry! To see what people had donated for people they have never met before was incredible.

I don’t know if it was a reaction to being back in my home by myself but yesterday was probably the lowest I have felt for a long time. Things I had felt positive about suddenly seemed negative. It was almost like I woke up into a different place yesterday. Even cuddles with the cats didn’t work! I have seen a lot about mental health during this lockdown and I chose to take every day as it comes. I have read that routine is the best way through, but it is the routine that I find depressing. In my job no two days are the same. Things change on a daily basis and every day I see kids growing to become little people and achieving things they didn’t know they could. I feel now that we are losing some of those children. For some school work has gone completely out the window because parents aren’t helping them. I have seen young children writing nonsense in online tasks because they have no idea what they are doing but they have been left to their own devices. I know it is hard for parents who are working from home but primary children need support to learn.

And now we hear that the government wants us to allow children back to school. Whilst social distancing. Starting with the youngest. Into classrooms that allow very few children. They are to work in “bubbles” and are not to leave those “bubbles”. Children in reception who are used to learning through play are now going to be expected to social distance and sit at tables.

My heart is torn in so many directions. Children NEED to be in school. But we also need to keep them safe. People keep saying how Denmark did it… I can’t even begin to go into the comparisons but let’s just say they did this whole thing better! Oh and childminders are meant to reopen! Please, please, someone explain how this is to be done? How are parents meant to hand their child to another adult whilst social distancing? How do you look after a small child and stay 2m away?

Part of me is glad I am not a parent right now. With everything so uncertain. I worry about the children I work with. I worry about my family and friends’ children.

Then there is the part of me that is starting to question when I will get my turn… if I will get my turn? The longer this pandemic goes on the longer it is until I can start IUI. And let’s face it, the chances of it happening first time are very remote. And yet I had already decided to put it off until later in the year anyway. So why am I getting so stressed about this?

Because this is what Lockdown does. It gives you too much time to sit and stress about things. I have been trying to find ways to keep my mind occupied with other things. But at some point the reality of being stuck in a house by yourself, not being able to spend much time with friends, let alone get a hug from a friend, will hit. And yesterday it hit me like a bus. hearing my colleagues talk about what they have been doing with their families to keep themselves going. Facebook has become my companion.

I even tried looking at online dating again… I had to laugh when the search came up and said it couldn’t find anything for me! Just about says it all!!!!

Stay safe everyone.

New Adventure!

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Good morning my lovely readers! This week has been a very bizarre week for me. Firstly, I have started a new business venture, (more about that later), then I started to feel a bit poop. Sore throat, temperature, just generally feeling ick. Then the cough! Now, I’m not going to sit here and say I’ve been so ill and I’ve had a really horrendous cough, I haven’t. I have felt a bit icky and I’ve now got an irritating but not too bad cough. It just feels like I need to cough but when I do, it just doesn’t clear anything. Chest feels tight at night but other than that, I’m really not too bad. But, as I am entitled to a test, and because I have been contacted by the NHS to say I may be needed back as a midwife, yesterday I drove an hour to my nearest test centre.

Surreal. That is the only word I can think to describe what happened! The AC is broken in my car so I drove up the motorway with all my windows open, I got to the test centre and was advised from now on, all my windows needed to stay closed unless I was asked to open them. It was a bit like being at Longleat! I made my way along the signed route and waited, then my QR code was scanned through my window. The lady then disappeared and came back with a test pack, walked to my passenger window and asked me to open it enough to put the test through! I then had to close my window and proceed to the next lady who asked me to switch off my engine and then gave me instructions through the closed window! There was a lot of signing in case I couldn’t hear properly! Next I moved to a parking bay where I put on the gloves and took out the test kit. Now, I’ve done lots of MRSA swabs in my time but I thought I would read the instructions anyway! And then I realised there was one swab and I had to do both my nose and throat! I’m used to two swabs, one for each. I did the test, snapped the swab in half as directed and put it in the pot. Stuck the bar codes on as instructed then waited for the gentleman to direct me to the next check point! Here I turned my engine off again, showed the lady that I had labelled everything correctly and that I had my test card that I keep, then I was once again allowed to open the window and slide my test kit back out and into the box! Then another hour’s drive home again!

I now have to wait for the text message to say whether I have or don’t have the virus. Have I been lucky and got away with very mild symptoms or is it just a bit of hayfever! I’m going to be honest my gut says I don’t have the virus. I live on my own, when I go to the shops I follow social distancing as much as I can (depending on other people’s versions of social distancing!) and I am washing my hands so much my moisturiser can’t keep up! So surely I don’t have it!

Anyway, that’s all done! Back to my business! Anyone who know me knows I’ve never been massively into makeup, but recently my friend started selling it, I fell in love with it and now I’m doing the same! Will it work.. I blooming hope so! I’m just going to have to work hard at it!

Ok, now i have to go and do my NHS online training!

Stay safe!

It’s the little things

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So, I started feeling rough last night, sore throat, temperature, bit sniffly. No cough thank goodness! I was hoping a good night sleep would sort it out but I woke up this morning feeling very sorry for myself. Still feeling poop, so I had a lie-in… that was until at 9:55am I remembered we had a class Zoom call at 10am.. and I was supposed to be on 5 minutes before! Oops! Threw on a jumper over the PJs and ran down to the laptop!

Oh am I glad I did! Kurt Vonnegut Jr said, “Enjoy the little things in life because one day you`ll look back and realize they were the big things.” A zoom call to a class of kids may seem like a small thing in the grand scheme but this morning it was EXACTLY what I needed! It’s been over 6 weeks since schools closed and even before that our class numbers had all but halved. As teaching staff we do our jobs because we love working in a school with the children, not sitting at home working from a laptop. But this morning we got to see those smiling faces and here their lockdown stories! I was trying very hard not to show how emotional I was getting!

Like many people, before lockdown, I had no idea what Zoom was… now it’s become my lifeline! I had a university interview via Zoom, staff training, Slimming World meetings, drama meetings and now class time!

So yes, Kurt, I agree! The little things are the big things and I think we should all remember that. Particularly now. I see posts on Facebook about children looking back at this time and remembering spending it with their families. I know this won’t be true for all children and that breaks my heart but for those who do, this time will shape them and hopefully remind people the importance of putting down your phone and looking your child in the eye.

Stay safe everyone.

Life goes on?

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single women, mental healthLeave a comment

We are now in week six (I think!) of Lockdown and I don’t know about anyone else but I am struggling! I was not made to work from home, I was not made to sit inside all the time nor to have no contact with people. I don’t just mean talking or seeing people in the street but hugs … I need hugs! I am a hug-loving person and I miss hugs! I am getting some lovely hugs from my cats but somehow it’s just not the same.

I’ve talked before about how I envy people in relationships but this has taken that to a whole new level. I can literally not touch a single human being. I can’t cuddle my nieces or my friends’ kids, can’t give them a kiss and say how much I miss them. I am contact free! And it is driving me insane!

The majority of my day is spent on social media or the phone (obviously when I’m not working) but it’s not the same as sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea having a chat. That moment when you are sharing stories and you touch the other persons arm, or when you give someone a hug because they have just told you some amazing news… I miss that. We are humans we were made to show affection through physical contact. But now we are told NO!

It seems not everyone is taking this social distancing thing quite so seriously though. I have seen people meeting up on the streets, sharing car journeys and even going in to other people’s houses… I’d love to give these people the benefit of the doubt and say that had valid reasons… but I don’t believe it!

There have been rumours of Lockdown being relaxed early, I’m not sure where these came from but I am not convinced. Having seen how people behave now, do we really want to risk the actions people will take? What is the saying? “Give an inch and they’ll take a mile”. Sad, but true.

There has also been talk of non-urgent medical appointments being reinstated. So that has got the big question of, will fertility treatments resume? This really puts me in a quandary. Desperation to ‘get back to it’ versus ‘can I take the risk?’ Heart says one, head says the other. But for once I will stick with my head. I am not willing to take the risk. Plus, I am a key worker, I may not have physical contact with other people but I still go to work.. with children. I wouldn’t want to risk taking something with me to the clinic. So for now, I will carry on. Plus, I am starting uni in September, now is not the time to start treatment!

So is life going on? Well, of course it is. It is just a very bizarre life that involves me having a lot of one sided conversations with 2, 9 month old kittens, lots of online training, slimming world and drama meetings via Zoom and box sets. I am even practicing with the old makeup! Times really are desperate! And there is also a lot of time for rumenation!

This was supposed be a blog about becoming a single mum by choice but has become the ramblings of a crazy cat lady in Lockdown! Sorry!

Stay safe everyone!

Lockdown 😫

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So I have completed 11 days in my new house in Lockdown. I am losing the plot! And I have been out to work twice in that time and done shopping for me and my Mum!! I am having one sided conversations with the kittens… pretty normal for a lot of pet owners… except I’m looking at them as if they are going to respond!!!

I have no internet in my house thanks to the previous tenant leaving his account open and unpaid… pretty much the same situation with the electricity company. An electricity company who want me to pay £95 a month… nope! So I have asked them to sort this out so I can change to a company who agree I won’t be using that much electricity!!! Oh and my 4G is pants!

I currently have no pots and pans, toaster, kettle or microwave meaning I am living on cereal and sandwiches. I have had to borrow a plate and cutlery as I don’t have these either! I am not sure where mine have all gone.. I can only assume they went to the charity shop during the clear out and Grampa’s!!! Fingers crossed my new saucepans are arriving today. 🤞

I have no bin in the kitchen either which means I have had a bin bag hanging from the cupboard… much to the joy of my kitten!

I want to go out into the garden to make it look less like a jungle but have no gardening equipment… must talk to the landlord about that!

I have so much stuff I want to chuck out but the tips aren’t open!

And despite all this I can see potential in this house! A coat of paint or 5 to get rid of the sparkly paint, pictures on the walls… a carpet cleaner… it will be a home!!!

I am trying to stay positive… I am trying not to think about the fact it is only April and we have no idea how long this could go on for. I am embracing the fact I can still go to school every now and again and see the kids and my colleagues, friends!

I am trying not to see every month that goes but one less chance of being a Mum. I know his is giving me the opportunity to do my PGCE before I become a Mum but it’s hard to get to 37 and not see every monthly cycle as another potential child gone. I know a lot of people won’t be able to understand this. But I also know a lot of women out there will. Not just single women like me but any woman who is trying for a baby. The moment you realise your period started, it Aunt Flow is visiting as my friend says, it breaks your heart just a little bit more.

I keep seeing adverts for foster parents and I am tempted… but I need to make this house suitable and by the time that happens I will probably be at uni! I cannot describe this need to be a parent. That is the other problem, I don’t know if I could let go. The children who go into foster care need so much time and support. I believe I can give that but I also don’t know if I could let them go again!

So many things going around in my head right now. So many up and down moments. And very few distractions.

So this is my lockdown so far.

Stay safe everyone, stay at home, wash your hands and remember it will end!

Bit of excitement!

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Still stuck indoors, height of excitement is doing the Joe Wicks workout, my daily constitutional and going to the shops! BUT tomorrow.. I’m moving into my new house!!!

Ok, so it’s rented and isn’t mine, mine… but still! My own place! Just me and my kittens! Everything is packed and ready to go. Of course, things are just a little bit strange due to the whole social distancing thing. No going to the agent to get the key everything has to be done without contact. The house has been deep cleaned following the previous tenant and, other than the removal men, there is no one to help! I am on my own! But you know what? Who cares! I have something to do! And with lockdown in place, I have no excuse other than to sort my new home out! I have a garden to potter in as well. I am ridiculously excited!

Of course, as well as being excited over my new home there are other thoughts going around in my head… will this be the house I bring a new baby into? Will one of the rooms become a nursery? I’m starting to think about the future again instead of not being able to think beyond today!

Take care of yourselves everyone… and if you are stuck inside isolating, don’t forget to ask for help!

Distractions – a little off topic!

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Well… I don’t know about the rest of you but I am pretty much done with Covid 19 now and wish it would just do one! It’s been a week of lock down here in the UK and I am going stir crazy… and I went into work on Thursday as I work in a school!

Before anyone starts having a pop and telling me others have been in lock down far longer… I know!!! But that doesn’t mean I can’t have my rant!

I think it’s amazing how people are finding ways to get through this. We have amazing people like Joe Wicks doing his online daily work out (which was harder than I was expecting!), good old Carol Vorderman doing her online maths classes and David Walliams doing his daily online story! Zoom has gone from Zero to Hero as people are trying to find new ways of socialising with their friends, virtual coffee mornings and cocktails parties, online choir practice as well as online Sunday lunches! As a human race we are remarkably resilient. We have amazing people who are volunteering to go out and about helping those who can’t get out for their essentials and retired healthcare professionals coming out of retirement to do their bit!

But I just wonder how long it can last? Will it change us as a human race? Will youngsters think that they no longer need to go out or will it make people realise just how much they appreciate the good outdoors and human contact? Or will things just go back to the way it was?

Only time will tell and we have a long way to push through before then! Wuhan is due to come out of lockdown on 8th April… the world’s eyes will be looking that way to see what will happen!

So how am I coping with the lockdown? A LOT of online learning, helping family members by getting essentials, taking part in the Joe Wicks workout and planning my move which is still currently set to go ahead next week. It would appear I will have 10 days with no internet so that will be interesting… or expensive if I cave and use my 3G! My drama group is having a weekly online chat, and my colleagues are keeping each other entertained with daily anecdotes of their lockdown lives!

But I am craving human contact right now! I still have amazing cuddles with my kittens but I haven’t had a human hug for over a week and it is killing me! I am a huggy person. I love a cuddle. I am currently exremely envious, no, jealous of those who have people in their household they can still hug. I refuse to believe I am alone in this! I can see it now, when all this is over I will be going around hugging everybody to make up for it!!!

Please comment with any lockdown ideas you have. Please share my blog! PLEASE!!! I need contact! I need distraction! Not just from Covid 19 but from the break in my journey. Because out of all of this, that is what I am finding the hardest… I know I am not alone but it would be nice to hear/read it!!!!

Take care for now, stay safe, stay inside, try Joe Wicks’ workout and we WILL get through this!

fgh <— my kitten’s contribution!!!