And again…

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

So, after a roller coaster week, it is once again not happening. I’m cross with myself as I caved and tested early this time and on Sunday, I had a faint line on the test. I started to feel this was it and I let myself get excited. I even checked with friends that I wasn’t imagining things. I repeated tests on Monday and Tuesday and both negative. Hope very rapidly disappeared. Official test day was Wednesday and there was the faintest of lines but after another test today, and looking good back, it would appear that was most likely an evaporation line.

Heartbroken feels an understatement right now but I’ve been here before. I can’t describe the yearning and need for another child and now, in my 40s, I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have waited, but then again, I wouldn’t have the gorgeous threenager sitting next to me.

I need to process, then move on. I have no more sperm from the donor and he is no longer available so we really are back to square one! We are having a family weekend and I just want to try and enjoy that. I have had people say, “But you have your little girl now, so it’s not so bad” and to an extent I guess they are right but I just don’t feel complete I feel I have so much love to give. I actually can’t find the words to describe it.

Anyway, her Ladyship needs to go to bed and it won’t happen whilst I’m sat here!

Stay safe and ciao for now.

Highs, Lows, long waits and unbelievable emotions!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

Sorry! I have had a few messages from people who have been patiently waiting for updates on progress and I admit everything got a bit much there for a while! Not just with the upset of the end of last year but then Christmas, her ladyship and I tag-teaming bugs and desperately job hunting!

Long story short, I tried again in January but unfortunately the round had to be cancelled which turned out for the best as I ended up with a chest infection and lovely temperature. Having a temperature can affect implantation so maybe things do happen for a reason. I started back on the injections (her ladyship was very happy about this), then onto the oestrogen tablets, then after a successful scan with a beautiful looking endometrium, it was onto the progesterone pessaries. Last week, I had a double embryo transfer and I am now in the dreaded 2 week wait.

It was decided to transfer the remaining 2 embryos after 2 failed transfers, age and the fact that these 2 had been slow burners and took an extra day to get to blastocyst stage. There are risks of multiple pregnancy but it was a case of weighing up the odds. There is also the increasing cost of medication, and the more cycles I go through so after a chat with my consultant, we decided to get both in there and hope for the best.

The day before my transfer, I had a progesterone blood test and it showed my progesterone was a little low so I now have the joy of 6 pessaries a day… yes you read that right, 6!

I don’t know whether I just forget how hard I found it on the previous cycle but I feel like the anxiety gets worse with each one. I am having ridiculous vivid dreams and I can’t get to sleep with my brain racing. Even my nighttime routine of listening to Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter is not helping! (I am currently on round 3 of the series!). This time, I am absolutely exhausted as well! Possibly down to not sleeping! 

The temptation to do a test early is insane this time. I am such a stickler for sticking to the 2 weeks but I am really struggling not to try. I intentionally haven’t bought a test yet just to stop myself. And the mood swings and nausea seem worse this time! The progesterone really is kicking my backside!

Anyway, I’m off to listen to Goblet of Fire and hopefully get some sleep before work tomorrow!

Sorry for the quick run down. Any questions, please do message and ask!

Stay safe and ciao for now!

Here we go again!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

After the heartbreak of a few weeks ago, the medications have arrived and a week tomorrow injections will start again! Something her ladyship is very much looking forward to! This time, it’s injections followed by injections and tablets, then tablets and pessaries! So many dates and times to get my head around again!

It is looking like transfer will be start of January! 😄 Exciting and scary times again!

Stay safe and ciao for now!

Not to be

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It looks like it wasn’t to be this time. The bleeding has been on and off and very light so I held out hope it was an implantation bleeding but today’s tests have proven otherwise.

After lying in bed between 4am and 5am, I finally got up to do the test. I had 2 tests so I did them both and both negative.

Feeling numb now, but her ladyship woke up and gave me a massive hug… it’s like she knew!

Anyway, now to move on.

Stay safe and ciao for now.

Not looking good..

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

Not much to write except it looks like my period has started today. I say looks, it’s very light but I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. The clinic says to test even if there’s bleeding but I can’t help but think this round is over.

It feels like another disappointment in a long list at the moment. And to cap it off, we are currently sat outside in the car with neighbours and pets in tow due to a chemical smell in our adjoining porches! Her ladyship woke up and wanted to see the back of the fire engine but decided having climbed up it was too cold!

I think we’ll be having a lie in tomorrow… if we can get back in our house!

Stay safe and ciao for now!

Good news!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

Only a quick one today as I am looking after a poorly pre-schooler!

I had a phone call from the clinic yesterday to say they had  managed  to freeze the last 2 embryos! I really didn’t think it would be possible. These little ones are already keeping me on my toes!

Anyway, back to the poorly princess.

Stay safe and ciao for now!

My head is spinning!

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After cancelling the transfer this morning, I was waiting for an update this afternoon to see whether 1 or all 3 were looking good for freezing. So, imagine my shock when the phone call I got was to ask me to come into the clinic as one of the embryos had hit blastocyst and had developed the sac in needed and was good to go! The clinic is an hour away so, as I was weirdly half an hour early for preschool pick up anyway, I grabbed her ladyship out early marched home, got her in the car and got my bum to the clinic!

She was so good at the clinic and came in for the transfer. She sat brilliantly and was so polite!

And now I have a potential baby on board!!! Seriously, what is going on?! I am do exhausted I am already in bed!

Now for the dreaded 2 week wait! 😱

Stay safe and ciao for now!

The course of true love never did run smooth…

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

And nor does that of IVF. The phone call this morning resulted in no transfer. There was an option to transfer one of the embryos but it would have been an extremely low chance of working, so the decision was to carry on trying to grow it in the culture and see what happens. There are 2 others left, which are also being given the chance to develop by tomorrow. If any of these develop to the correct stage tomorrow, they will be frozen and transferred at a later date.

The embryologist is contacting me later today with an update. By leaving them until tomorrow, we will also have a better idea of their viability.

I’m not going to lie, it feels like a massive kick in the gut. You start questioning whether you’ve left it too long. I know it’s not completely over but with every phone call, I feel the chance slipping away. But then I read stories of women who have all their embryos go tonday 6 and they have gone on to successful pregnancies! The embryologist and I both agreed a crystal ball would be great right now!

Anyway, I’m off to raid our stash of chocolate buttons!

Stay safe and ciao for now.

What a roller coaster!

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Since I last wrote, things have been an emotional roller coaster. Having gone from 7 eggs ton5 embryos, the phone call on Friday was to say that we had 1 grade 2 embryo (scale 1 to 4 with 1 being best), 1 was grade 2/3 and 3 were grade 3.

Then yesterday, after a game of phone tag, I received a message to say that 1 embryo was where it should be on day 3 whilst the others were behind and a little suboptimal for day 3. Whilst it wasn’t a failure there was a feeling of dread that things had been so positive but were staring to fade.

This morning  the news was very similar but the embryo that is most likely for transfer is also slowing in its progress so I now have to wait for a phone call in the morning to let me know if is a go or not. They are giving the others time to catch up so we will see. I’m holding on to the hope that they will make it but I can honestly say that this is the most anxious I have felt throughout the whole fertility process. Probably not helped bybthe progesterone I am taking!!

Anyway, stay safe and ciao for now.

7 little eggs sitting in a dish…

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5 fertilised to embryo stage! Assuming all continues to go well, transfer is set for Monday lunchtime. I’m still on edge but also really chuffed that 5 made it through the night!

Still uncomfortable today and the indigestion is terrible but otherwise all good. Just continuing to keep fingers and toes crossed!

Stay safe and ciao for now!