Bad blogger!

Wow! I didn’t realise how bad I had been at posting! Not that I am making excuses but the joy of migraines and cluster headaches, a tooth abscess and covid may have contributed!

Can you believe I am now 22 weeks! That is INSANE! Since I last wrote we have had another couple of scans. 20 week scan gave me a glimpse of what I am in store for… there is no doubt this baby is mine! Lazy and stubborn! He/she insisted on staying put despite the bed being tilted and me jumping up and down like I was on a pogo stick. Completely covering their heart and my cervix so the poor sonographer had no way seeing either or getting the position of the placenta.

So, yesterday we were back again and when we first arrived the pickle was again blocking their heart and the placenta! This time we managed to get movement by me moving around and giving Snoops a good poke!

Happy to say all appears as well as can be. I will never fail to be amazed at scans and being able to see so much, even the blood flow to and from the heart. I currently have a low lying placenta but we have plenty of time for that to correct itself. I also found out that despite choosing a donor a whole foot taller than me, I currently have a child with short legs! I’m sorry Snoopy, I tried! There is still time though!

We did have an entertaining moment when the sonographer caught a picture of the hand… not sure that Snoops was happy about being seen as he/she was giving us the v! Although, as if suddenly realising mum was watching, 2 more fingers appeared and the photo instead looks like a wave!

Hi! I wasn’t being rude Mum… honest!

It’s safe to say I am well and truly in love with his teeny tiny human currently residing in my uterus. I can now feel flutters of movement and I think it’s safe to say I have a music lover. There seem to be plenty of boogying going on at my cousin’s wedding on Saturday.. either that or Snoops was as excited as me that 2 of our favourites were getting married.

I am now making my way across the channel to spend a week in France with two more favourites. Although, I do wonder if my dad would prefer a small child to entertain instead of an emotional pregnant daughter! 🤔

I hope I have updated you… it was an early start this morning! As always I love seeing your comments and I am always open to questions. Pregnancy may not have gone the way I imagined so far but I love talking about it!

Stay safe and ciao for now!

Over halfway!

Update..

Baby is all good!!! Snoopster continues to be incredibly wiggly causing the trainee sonographer no end of problems in trying to do measurements… in fact the other sonographer ended up doing an estimation because little one wouldn’t stay still!! Heartbeat nice and strong. Feeling very relieved.

Now home and snuggled up with one of the fur-babies, watching the curling!

Stay safe and ciao for now! Xx

12 week scan done

I’m a bit late on the update! Sorry everyone! I have had some pretty nasty headaches over the last week. I knew headaches were a thing but as someone who suffers from migraines at the best of times it would appear they become more frequent I pregnancy!

9th Feb was the day I got to see my baby for the second time, but for the first time actually looking like a baby! Snoopster was gorgeous! I was so overwhelmed, it actually took me by surprise. I have seen many scans in my previous life as a midwife but nothing prepared me for seeing my own! Although, I will admit now, part of me still didn’t believe it!

It was so lovely having my mum with me too. My mum, dad and step-mum have been the most amazing support throughout this whole thing and I genuinely don’t know how I would have got through it without them!

I have been so excited about the scan, I think I have shown anyone who will look. I did stop short of the postman, although it was tempting!

I would live to say that it has been easy since but yesterday I had some bleeding and Inhave been having some stomach cramps. This morning I had to decide whether to brace Storm Eunice and make my way to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Clinic or wait until Monday. As the wind wasn’t too bad at the time I have chosen to come and I am now sat waiting to check all is A-OK.

Looking at the weather outside, I many now have to camp at the hospital for a bit! My gut feeling is that all is ok and it’s just one of those things but I need to check for reassurance. I’m also incredibly early for my appointment! Managed to write down the time of 11:00 instead of 11:40! Still, it could have been the other way round!!

Stay safe everyone and ciao for now!

Midwife appointment, check!

10 weeks tomorrow and I had my first midwife appointment today! I had a lovely midwife and student who were really excited about learning about my story. They made me feel really at ease.

We went through all the booking questions , bloods, blood pressure and of course the obligatory peeing in a pot. This is my life now!! Because of risk factors I will need to take aspirin and give myself clexane injections. And I will need to see an obstetrician to decide if I need to continue with the thyroxine tablets.

Now I just wait for my 12 week scan date to come through!!! Exciting!!!

Stay safe everyone and ciao for now!

It is actually real… I saw proof!

Today was probably the most nervous I have been to date. In a way I found it more nerve-wracking than the pregnancy test. Today I had my eight week early pregnancy scan. This isn’t a routine scan but if you have IVF it is a way of making sure you haven’t had a false positive but also that the fetus is in the correct place. I spent the morning distracting myself with the children at school but from the moment I sat in my car for the hour long journey it was all I could think about!

I have had so many dreams in the last few weeks where it wasn’t real, or they did the scan and there was nothing there. I also had a dream that I had a miscarriage. Apparently this is normal but it really didn’t help the anxiety! It also didn’t help that once I got there I was informed my scan was actually yesterday!!! I was mortified! Fortunately, my clinic is full of wonderful amazing people and they told me they would still do the scan. And if I’m honest, it worked out amazingly well because the person who did my scan is someone I used to work with who also did my embryo transfer… now known as my lucky charm!

The first moments of the scan were nerve-wracking, Kerry had warned me it might take her a while to find what she was looking for but I could feel myself holding my breath! And then both of saw it at the same time. This little fluttering blob. A little flutter that turned out to be the heartbeat in my little blob baby! Please don’t tell me off for being mean, but honestly, right now my baby looks like a blob! A blob I am completely and madly in love with!

Meet Blob… who has now been affectionately renamed, Bean! For those like me, who have no idea what they are looking at, the black area is the gestational sac (fluid), the round blob is the yolk sac (what is feeding the baby whilst the placenta fully develops) and the bean-like blob is known as the fetal pole, is my baby! Right now, as you can see it doesn’t look like a baby but that is because it is still developing. It has a heartbeat, it has started growing arms and legs, it has started developing eyes and ears and the spine is nearly formed.

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I am finally accepting that I am not making it up in my head and I am , in fact, pregnant! And although it can’t be 100% guaranteed, at this time we only saw 1 heartbeat! I cannot stop smiling! I know I can’t totally relax at this point. I still have a few more weeks to go. And most people wouldn’t have shared their news at this point. Fair play to them because there is no way I could keep this to myself! I know there is still a chance it could go wrong but for now, I am enjoying the moment and I officially consider myself a Mum! I had reached a point where I genuinely didn’t believe it would happen. It’s been two years since the decision to try and I finally know I can do this! Now it is down to my body and my little bean to keep going!

I’m sure there will be more updates to come soon but until then, stay safe and ciao for now!

So far, so good!

It’s 3 weeks since the wondrous 2 lines appeared on the test strip and already I am feeling the effects of that positive result. Other than the fact I keep getting a big grin on my face, emotions have been all over the place! Over the last 3 weeks I have had numerous dreams, many of which consist of me not actually being pregnant and finding it was all a mistake. I have taken two more pregnancy tests and they have both come back positive! But I don’t think I will be fully reassure until my early scan on Wednesday! I also seem to cry and the most random things, I have to be very careful what I watch on TV right now, Anne was not the best choice! Amazing programme but I think I went through a while box of tissues. The return of the Masked Singer is very welcome though! I really do love that programme!

As for early pregnancy symptoms… I am just happy they let me enjoy my Christmas dinner before hitting! I still consider myself quite lucky though. I have been feeling nauseous most of the time, but other that one day that’s all it’s been. I’m very limited on what I can stomach and, I’m not going to lie, cat food is NOT helping! The smell really turns my stomach but I can’t let my little ones miss out. So my diet pretty much consists of cheddar cheese and crackers, ready salted crisp sandwiches, carrots and hummus and baked potato with beans… sometimes with salad if I can stomach it! Coffee and fruit is out which makes me sad!

The other thing is, I am completely exhausted… all the time!! This growing a new human being is quite hard work! I find myself falling asleep on the sofa by about 7 in the evening and there have been a few occasions where I’ve actually gone to bed by about 8 as I just can’t keep my eyes open! I’ve even had a few afternoon naps which is something I never do unless I’m unwell! The cats certainly seem to enjoy the afternoon naps, we all end up snuggled up on the bed!

So, for now, all is going well. I am really nervous and really excited about the scan on Wednesday and I have my first midwife appointment booked for two weeks time. Things are really moving on! I have found I am feeling more anxious about covid and particularly going into crowded places. I feel really lucky to work in a school that feels very safe and my year 6 class are really sensible which really helps! I’m not going to lie though, the classroom is a bit on the chilly side with the windows open all the time!

Anyway, I’m getting tired again! Stay safe and ciao for now!

P.S. Please excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes… I’m really tired!

Well I didn’t get my 2 pink lines…..

I got 2 blue lines instead!

I am being incredibly cautiously optimistic as I know how early it all still is and still a risk of miscarriage. But for this morning I am enjoying the fact I can let myself believe more and more in the idea that I will be a mum.

So, at this point in time I am 4 weeks pregnant which means my little one is in fact incredibly little at the size of a poppy seed! In fact, we’re still not even at the fetus stage, the placenta is now forming and the embryo is being nourished by a yolk sac. Yes, you read that right human eggs have yolk too!

All this did not stop me having a little word with my growing embryo this morning about how proud I am it had got this far and to please keep going!

We still have a very long way to go and the risky days are still ahead. But for now I am pregnant and happy! Thank you for so much of your positivity! You are all amazing!!!!

Stay safe and ciao for now!

Today is the day

I am sat here in my bed unable to get up. I have had the longest two weeks waiting for this moment and now, I can’t do it!!!!

Whilst I sit here, there is every possibility that the answer goes my way. But once I pee on that stick, I can’t change it!

Even my cats are getting frustrated and meowing at me!!!

T-Day!

I had very little sleep last night and was wide awake about 5 this morning! I am actually glad they made my appointment earlier, I’m not sure I could have waited! I knew I needed a fairly full bladder so took my water bottle in the car, although I think I may have drunk a bit too much as I was desperate by the time I got there!

The procedure was very similar to IUI, it was uncomfortable but nothing compared to the egg retrieval! And I had a lovely surprise when the nurse doing the procedure was a midwife I used to work with. It was lovely to have someone I know and trust with me. The other surprise was when the embryologist came in and asked if I wanted to see a picture of my embryo. Not just some stock picture on the internet but mine. My potential baby. Right there on a piece of paper in front of me! My blastocyst, ready to be pot back into my uterus and hopefully attach itself to the uterine wall!

It never ceases to amaze me how incredible the whole process is, and bearing in mind how complex, how anyone gets pregnant! Babies really are little miracles. I must admit, I can’t stop looking at that picture! Most people get their first “baby” photo at their 12 weeks scan, but if everything goes to plan, that could be mine! Then I keep thinking something so tiny, that it can only be seen under a microscope, ends up as an adult! It blows my mind! Embryologists are my new heros!

So, in it went and now that little embryo is inside my uterus. Hopefully, in 2 days it will have hatched from its shell (oh yes, human eggs have shells too), and it will implant itself into the uterus, then in 5 days time the placenta will start to form. Insane! I am taking it easy today but from the research I have read it is good to get back to a normal routine. I wonder if my brain will feel that way after a morning with 6 year olds!

So, now for the dreaded 2 week wait! This is my fourth and they don’t get any easier, in fact, they get harder each time. Come on little embryo, do your thing!

Stay safe everyone and ciao for now!

It’s Friyay!!

Morning check in! Both embryos are now at the 8 cell stage, which apparently is bang on track. In fact I was told that one was top quality and one was very good, so I am currently a very proud wannabemummy!

Plan now is for transfer on Sunday morning so I just have to get through until then. Of course the major wait will be after that, waiting to find out if the embryo takes.

Come on little ones!

Emotions are all over the place. It doesn’t matter how many times you read or hear that IVF is hard, it isn’t until you are going through it you understand how hard. I swing from excitement to complete fear that it won’t work. And trying to distract yourself is pretty much impossible, no matter what you try your brain just springs back to the embryos! Even the cheesy Christmas movies aren’t working!

It’s also extremely hard seeing the news today about the little boy who was killed by his parents following continuous abuse. It makes me angry that these people have a child and take their miracle for granted by doing the most abhorrent things and then there are those of us who would do anything for a child who we can love and nurture. That child deserved parents who loved and cared for him and gave him the best start in life. It makes my blood boil. It also highlights what teachers were saying about lockdown preventing us from being able to look out for signs and help these children.

Please stay safe everyone and ciao for now.