Tag: SMBC

Nothing is simple!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

I have just come our from my scan and of course, as always, nothing goes to plan! The uterus is doing its job but there appears to be a follicle in one of my ovaries that shouldn’t really be there!

It may be nothing but I have now had blood tests to check my oestrogen levels. If they are below 200, I am still good to go. If not, it’s another week and another scan to see what is happening.

I am staying positive and I will wait to see the result in the morning.

I am now off to enjoy the rest of my birthday!

Stay safe and ciao for now.

Celebrations and emotions.

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

Tomorrow will be my 21st injection of Buserelin and my first scan to check it is doing its job. It’s been a pretty rough few weeks. Not because of the injections but I have potentially had covid! I say potentially because despite 3 negative PCRs I was one of the 63,000 who then recieved a text to say they potentially had a false negative!

6 weeks ago it started with a temperature, sore throat, headache and general aches so I took a PCR and it was negative. A few days later the cough and breathlessness started. I spoke to the GP who advised me to get another PCR but to get to A&E if my breathing got any worse. Negative. I started to improve but he cough and pain in my chest and back persisted. I went back to work, even managed a netball match and thought all was good. Then one night, my breathing got worse again, temperature went up to 38.5 degrees and I felt like I had been hit by a bus. 2 and a half weeks after that my breathing has improved again, I can actually walk around my house and not have to stop. But now, I feel I could sleep as much as my cats do!

My biggest concern was my IVF. I was terrified that it would get delayed again. If it was this time last week there is no way I would consider the scan tomorrow but I now feel like I am good to go!

So tomorrow, on my 39th birthday, I will be scanned to check the thickness of the lining of my uterus. If all goes well I will be given the go ahead to add the next injection into my daily routine.

39… another reason I do not want any more delay to the process. That’s 1 year until I am 40. I didn’t mind being in my 30s, obviously 20s were the best but that number 4 feels like it has HUGE significance, particularly when it comes to having children. 40… that’s the age that children start thinking you are ancient! I remember being a child and thinking 40 was so far I the future it would never happen. But now it is just 365 days and 3 hours away.

I don’t feel it. I still feel 21. Ok, so my joints creak a bit more and last year I had to call and ambulance when I got stuck on the floor because my back had gone into spasm… but deep down, I just don’t feel like 40 is so close. I know I am going tosound like my grandmother now but seriously, where did my life go?!

It’s usually this day every year I sit and ruminate on time and how cruel it is that we can’t go back. Although, if like me you watch science fiction, you know that time travel could cause all sorts of issues of its own!

Anyway, I digress! This is not a science fiction blog… this is a blog about a woman in her late 30s who is facing her biological clock which seems to be ticking at an ever increasing rate! Had things gone to plan with IUI number 1, I would be 8 months pregnant by now. But it was not to be. So here is to IVF, positive thoughts and another birthday!

Stay safe everyone and ciao for now. Xxx

Apologies for any spelling or grammar errors… I really am exhausted!

And so it begins…

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

Thursday was the first injection day! I’m not going to lie, it felt like a bit of an anti climax. I had built myself up, getting so excited and, of course, it was over in seconds and, well, that was it.

I’m not really sure why this surprised me. It’s not like I haven’t given numerous injections in my time and I know it’s just the start of the “journey”. Was I expecting fireworks and streamers?!

But these injections are now part of my morning routine and will be for the next few weeks. Let’s just hope they do what they are intended to do!!

Back to the real world now and time for housework! Not much else to do on a rainy, windy day!

Stay safe and ciao for now!

Another delay!!!!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

I was so hoping that I would be starting my IVF treatment this weekend but it was just not to be… again! I have to be honest this has been frustrating. I am really trying to take things as they come but I just feel like there is always something! Thyroid sorted, injections sat ready to go but sperm donor not approved in time to be shipped from Denmark to get to the clinic. It needed to arrive by Thursday and it is now arriving on Tuesday. I understand the clinic needs the samples to be there ready to go but I just wanted to start!

I now have to wait another month and then it’s over a week of the injections before egg collection, following egg collection the embryologists will put the eggs and the sperm in a petri dish and hope they do what they need to do. I spoke to the clinic and it turns out before I undergo IVF I need to do some online learning! It’s essentially videos that talk about the process. The idea is, that after the final trigger injection, they collect around 10-15 eggs, after looking at the eggs to see which are the right size, then trying to fertilise and then seeing which ones are viable I will possibly be left with 2 or 3 that could be put back.

This is such an emotional roller coaster, but the continuing support is incredible. It will be completely worth it in the end, I know it will! I just have to stay strong! I’ve got this!!!!!

Stay safe and ciao for now!

Wow, just wow!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

I honestly can’t believe how amazing my friends and family are! I am so overwhelmed with love and support right now. I’m sure there must be so many questions but for now everyone has just been showering me with happiness! I am now so ready to get on with this IVF! Bring it on baby!!!!

All systems go again!

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Turns out emotions got the better of me after attempt number 3. Once again it was a failed attempt and although I felt ok about it, I think deep down it hit me much harder than I realised and I couldn’t bring myself to write about it. That was 2 months ago now and since then I have had a further appointment at the clinic and I am now going for IVF. It was never really a question of whether I would try IVF or not as I am still so desperate to have this baby. But, there are days when it is hard to be positive.

One thing that really helped me was meeting up with a group of other single mums who had been through the same thing. They all had gorgeous little ones and some had been through a similar journey to me but had finally got their bundles of joy… some of which were now school age! It was amazing and their support was invaluable. It definitely renewed my excitement and positivity.

I also made another decision this week and that was to tell the rest of my family and no longer keep it a secret. I realise that I need as much support as I can get and having such a wonderful family I needed them more than ever. I have been wanting to tell them for a while but I think the negative pregnancy tests after IUI stopped me. With hindsight I wish I had told them at the start! But hindsight it a wonderful thing! And so far, those family members I have told have been amazing and I can’t wait to share the rest of my journey with them. I am so lucky to have such a close amazing family.

So it’s time for IVF! It has been delayed slightly due to an increase in those pesky thyroid levels again, but today was the green light as they are at a good level thanks to a bit of re-jigging of medication. I have also picked donor number 2 and I am waiting for the order to arrive at the clinic. It was a lot harder this time as there appears to be an international shortage of donors due to the pandemic. As if it hasn’t caused enough problems over the last 18 months! I originally found a donor in the USA but having looked into the clinics over there, it appears they are not very strict on the limit of donor siblings so I decided to stick to Europe… I can’t stand the thought of having some weird donor sibling disaster in the future!

My last appointment was quite overwhelming. I knew about the injections I would have to give myself but I didn’t realise there was three different types! Thankfully they are prepared for us being completely overwhelmed and have an A4 sheet with the routine! I can see a lot of alarms and reminders being set in my not too distant future!

It’s funny, as someone who gives people injections on a regular basis, I am a little nervous about doing it to myself! I don’t really know why. I am also nervous about the side effects of the injections. The first one essentially puts your body through the menopause, so these are the symptoms you get. Well, if my mood swings are anything like I get every now and again with my periods, I can imagine I won’t see people until it’s over! Although the nurse said I’m more likely to cry than shout! If all goes to plan, I will be starting the injections at the end of the month. I will let you know as soon I as I have more info!

Thank you for continuing to be supportive, it feels amazing that I can now put my name to my blog!

Ciao for now and please stay safe!

x

Here we go again.

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single women, mental healthLeave a comment

So, here I am for a third time, dat in my car waiting to go into the clinic. Since I last wrote I had another round of IUI followed by another negative test. I have had a roller coaster of emotions lately. With the first negative test being very closely followed by the disappearance of my cat who then appeared again not long after the second IUI, dehydrated and very hungry. I then had a second negative pregnancy test.

I wasn’t sure at this point whether I should give up on IUI and go for IVF but after a good chat with one of the nurses at the clinic I have decided on a third IUI before a rethink.

I then had the amazing news that my cousin was pregnant! I am so incredibly happy for her but coming just a few days after a negative test I also felt a bit emotional. It’s such a strange set of emotions. I have never been in a situation where something can make me so happy and so sad at the same time. But my happiness for her has outweighed my self-pity and I am looking forward to a new member of the family!!!

Whilst waiting for my next IUI my other cat obviously felt she wasn’t getting nearly enough attention and started bleeding everywhere! She has a problem with her blood not clotting properly and although she is on medication three times a day, for some reason she started having bleeds again. So two nights in the veterinary hospital for her and more worry for me!

I am happy to say she is home now and the bleeding has stopped . We are just waiting on test results to see if there is another reason other than her illness.

And that leads me to today. Sat in the car in very windy and rainy weather waiting to see if third time is a charm. It means a day off placement but sometimes you just have to prioritise and I know which is more important! I am just hoping my cervix is cooperative today! Last time was more painful than the first as my cervix didn’t want to let the catheter in! Not helpful!

Please keep your fingers and toes crossed for me!

Stay safe and ciao for now. Xxx

What a Rollercoaster!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

I really thought I would be coming on here with yet more bad news. After getting so close to my target TSH of 2.5 milliunits per litre before the new year, I was hopeful for my recent blood test. Only this time I had shot well past and I am now on 0.05! My heart sank and as the doctor discussed re-jigging my mediation I kept thinking to myself, “well here we go again for another 2 months”. I emailed the clinic with my current levels and told them I would be back in touch with the next blood test. Then I wrote in a chat group I am in and someone mentioned that they had a low TSH level but had been told they could go ahead. Well, I was straight on the phone to the clinic requesting a call back! Within just a couple of hours my consultant phoned me and asked bout medication and what the plan was. My heart sank yet again, then came the words I will never forget… “I am happy for us to go ahead and get started with your treatment, whenever you are ready!”. If I had been in the room with him, and we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic, I could have kissed him! I sat there in shock for a few minutes then realised I needed to share my news! I was trembling as I wrote messages to my Mum , Dad and step-mum and to the amazing few friends who have been through my side every step of the way.

Of course the many possibilities of what would happen now started running through my head. I had already started planning the job hunting for the end of my PGCE, after all if I was going to have to wait another 2 months before the blood test it would be another month after that for the start of treatment so there was no question of getting a job. But now, well what IF I am one of the lucky ones, one of the 13 out of 100 38 year old women who it works for first time? But then what if I’m not, what if it takes 3 attempts, or what if IUI won’t work for me and I have to go down the IVF route. Well, I can’t be left without a job! Of course if I leave it the odds reduce to 10% once I hit 39 so that’s not an option! Then I realised that my next cycle is due to start any day which means I could potentially be getting treatment in the next 2-3 weeks!

To say my brain felt like it had taken a trip into a washing machine on a spin cycle was an understatement. Then came the feeling of wanting to tell the whole world. But having to calm myself down and remind myself that I only have a 13% chance of it working so let’s not ahead of ourselves! My cats honestly must have thought I had lost the plot as I started discussing potential scenarios with them! The joy of single life in a lockdown! Which leads me on to another thought… I will most likely have to go by myself for my treatment. I don’t know how I feel about this! The original plan was always that my mum would be there, but she is shielding. To be honest I always thought it might be a bit odd to have my Mum in the room, after all, your mum wouldn’t normally be in the room at the point of conception would she?! But then this isn’t “normal”, is it?

So, the rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions continues! On top of which I have the small matter of uni lectures and assignments! I can’t help feeling this rollercoaster is going to be one of the longest of my life! But don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated of all the ups and downs along the way!

Stay safe and ciao for now!

So close!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

What a Christmas it has been! We were very lucky to have a fairly normal Christmas even though my brother was on a deadline to get back to Wales before it closed!

I feel very blessed to have such an amazing family and friends who have been checking in with me to make sure I am not too lonely, it makes me realise despite not yet having children of my own I am still surrounded by people who love me.

Since I last wrote I have also had my offending tooth removed and my mouth is finally pain free… just in time for the Christmas turkey!

And of course the dreaded blood test.. something I have come to dread! I phoned today for the test result and… 2.8! Part of me wants to jump with joy and part of me wants to scream! So close to that 2.5 but still soooooo far! The clinic is closed for the Christmas break so I need to wait to speak to them next week but with treatment in touching distance, could 2021 be my year? Of course there is also the question of the covid vaccine? Not tested on pregnant women and not being anywhere on the list… should I wait for the vaccine???

It’s safe to say nothing is simple at the moment!

Happy Christmas (or any other holiday you celebrate) and Happy New Year!

Ciao for now.

Long time!

On By wannabemummy82In Fertility for single womenLeave a comment

Wow! I haven’t been on here in months. Mainly because I really haven’t had anything to share. Lockdown really scuppered everything! I’ve also been suffering really badly with migraines recently. I was asked if anything was stressing me out and I couldn’t think of anything. Then I spoke to one of the nurses at the clinic yesterday and she asked me how I had been coping with the big gap in everything moving forward and I realised that maybe I was a bit more stressed out than I realised!

Don’t get me wrong, I started my PGCE last week and I think this has worked for the best but you just can’t help hear that clock ticking very loudly in your subconscious.

My consultant had said to me, at the beginning of this year, that I was still in the “ok” age-range but 38 was where it started to get more and more tricky. Well, in just 40 days I will be turning 38. That’s just two years off the big 4 0! This is getting real!

The discussion with the nurse was regarding the dreaded Progesterone test. Am I having it redone or not… answer finally, yes I am! But due to the fact that my cycle is not exactly regular I now have to do daily ovulation tests to check for my surge then have a blood test 7 days after! It’s all very precise! I have also had to have a repeat thyroid function test because despite my level being “normal”, it wasn’t spot on enough for the fertility experts!!!

Going through all this and knowing how accurate things need to be, it makes me wonder how people get pregnant so often!!! Having been a midwife I thought I knew quite a lot… but then I did join the party after conception!

So now I just sit and wait for that line to appear on the stick to tell me I can book my blood test! Turns out those lines have become very important in my life!!

Now I am just praying we don’t end up in another lockdown!

Stay safe everyone!