I don’t know why I was surprised. In fact I don’t think I was surprised. The result we wanted was an oestrogen level of less than 200, mine, well mine was over 1,000! Of course it was! This is me and nothing is straight forward. So, another week wait before another scan. I confess now that sometimes I find it hard to keep positive. Even though I know this isn’t a major thing, it is still another thing that I need to process and work through.
It’s hard to put into words why something like is hits you so hard. Ok, so I have to wait another week for another scan. It’s just a week right? But it’s like I said the other day, suddenly the clock has started ticking very loudly. Days almost seem like weeks and weeks seem like months in term of my chances of being able to conceive. It might sound melodramatic but there is already a sense of failure knowing that I was unable to do it “naturally”, I mean as naturally as one can on her own. But now, even with the help of drugs, my reproductive system is just not playing along.
I realise that so far, I sound like I must be sinking into a deep depression and I’m really not! I’m still fairly practical about the whole thing but I have waves of emotion. I would love to blame that on the Buserelin but to be honest I have always been an emotional person and my family can confirm it! I knew that this “journey” would be tough, but I think part of me thought that, coming from my family, it would be easier and more straight forward. But no, not me!
So, for now, I will continue to wait another week and I will continue to work on being positive!
Stay safe and ciao for now! x