Turns out emotions got the better of me after attempt number 3. Once again it was a failed attempt and although I felt ok about it, I think deep down it hit me much harder than I realised and I couldn’t bring myself to write about it. That was 2 months ago now and since then I have had a further appointment at the clinic and I am now going for IVF. It was never really a question of whether I would try IVF or not as I am still so desperate to have this baby. But, there are days when it is hard to be positive.

One thing that really helped me was meeting up with a group of other single mums who had been through the same thing. They all had gorgeous little ones and some had been through a similar journey to me but had finally got their bundles of joy… some of which were now school age! It was amazing and their support was invaluable. It definitely renewed my excitement and positivity.

I also made another decision this week and that was to tell the rest of my family and no longer keep it a secret. I realise that I need as much support as I can get and having such a wonderful family I needed them more than ever. I have been wanting to tell them for a while but I think the negative pregnancy tests after IUI stopped me. With hindsight I wish I had told them at the start! But hindsight it a wonderful thing! And so far, those family members I have told have been amazing and I can’t wait to share the rest of my journey with them. I am so lucky to have such a close amazing family.

So it’s time for IVF! It has been delayed slightly due to an increase in those pesky thyroid levels again, but today was the green light as they are at a good level thanks to a bit of re-jigging of medication. I have also picked donor number 2 and I am waiting for the order to arrive at the clinic. It was a lot harder this time as there appears to be an international shortage of donors due to the pandemic. As if it hasn’t caused enough problems over the last 18 months! I originally found a donor in the USA but having looked into the clinics over there, it appears they are not very strict on the limit of donor siblings so I decided to stick to Europe… I can’t stand the thought of having some weird donor sibling disaster in the future!

My last appointment was quite overwhelming. I knew about the injections I would have to give myself but I didn’t realise there was three different types! Thankfully they are prepared for us being completely overwhelmed and have an A4 sheet with the routine! I can see a lot of alarms and reminders being set in my not too distant future!

It’s funny, as someone who gives people injections on a regular basis, I am a little nervous about doing it to myself! I don’t really know why. I am also nervous about the side effects of the injections. The first one essentially puts your body through the menopause, so these are the symptoms you get. Well, if my mood swings are anything like I get every now and again with my periods, I can imagine I won’t see people until it’s over! Although the nurse said I’m more likely to cry than shout! If all goes to plan, I will be starting the injections at the end of the month. I will let you know as soon I as I have more info!

Thank you for continuing to be supportive, it feels amazing that I can now put my name to my blog!

Ciao for now and please stay safe!

x