Well that felt like a very long two weeks. Weirdly, placement seemed to fly by but it feels like months since I went to the clinic for my treatment. Last night I just wanted to rip open the pregnancy test and find out. But I knew I needed to wait until this morning.

5am, I woke up this morning! But, now the time had come, I couldn’t do it! I had got “the fear”! So many thoughts started flying through my head: “What if it is negative? how will I feel? The chances are so low but there is still a chance.” or “What if it is positive? I am going to want to tell the world and the sun’s not up yet.”

After nearly an hour and a half of torturing myself I decided I needed to do the test and find out. I did 2 tests, one would take 3 minutes, the other 10.

Both tests said negative. My initial reaction was that this wasn’t a surprise, chances are incredibly low. But as the morning has gone on the emotions have come in waves. I have spoken to the few family and friends that know and they have been amazing and supportive. And of course the ladies on The Stork and I Mum Tribe, who have been through it themselves. Being a part of a community that has been there, or who are there themselves right now, is invaluable.

Today is for me and my emotions, my grief over what could have been, then I will move on and get ready for the next try. I will not give up. This is meant to be and will be.

Stay safe and ciao for now. x