Last night at 00:09, the new light of my life came into the world. My gorgeous girl was delivered by caesarean section after a bit of a crazy time.
I will write more later this week but wanted to share my news with you! We are both doing well and I couldn’t be happier!!
Advance warning, we are now at the business end and therefore there will be details that may be too much for some!!!
I am currently sat on my bed in the hospital having come in for induction! I was very excited to get the phone call this morning to invite me in. I arrived about lunchtime and we came up to the ward where I had a covid test before I could go anywhere. I had already done a lateral flow this morning so was pretty sure it was negative and it was.
Then I was taken to my bed. I love how our hospitals are not made for the heat! 🥵🥵
Knowing that this could take some time I suggested Mum went home instead of hanging around the hot hospital so they left. I then was put on the monitor and with baby looking good I was examined. Still the same and yesterday but ready for induction via the balloon. This is where a tube with two balloons is inserted with one balloon sitting inside the cervix and one just outside. The idea being that it will help the cervix to dilate. Baby seemed to be protesting a bit by trying to headbut the midwife out of the way!
It takes two midwives as it involves lots of passing of bits, so when we were ready the balloon went in. Both balloons were inflated with water and I thought some of that water had escaped as it suddenly felt a bit wet! Just as the midwives were checking it was ok they noticed a nice pool of water, only it was just water, it was my water!!!! During the process my membranes had ruptured and my waters were leaking! Out came the balloon!
I think it is safe to say there was a lot of fluid that came out and had I been stood up it would have been like Niagra Falls!! And boy do those waters keep coming and coming!
So now we are back to sitting and waiting. Baby will be monitored every 6 hours and if no labour by 24 hours then I will be given a hormone drip to get things going!
I am now about to have dinner and hope for the best!
Stay safe and ciao for now!
I’m not sure how 36 weeks has come around so quickly but here we are! And of course now is the time the nesting is kicking in! I’m still getting exhausted easily and still feeling faint every now and again so I have to pace myself… ha!!!! Or get friends and family to take it un turns to come and help! 🤣
At least the heatwave is over. I know, I know, women in other countries have to deal with the heat but it’s not normal for us. We are not designed or equipped to deal with it! I spent 3 days sat in front of a fan drinking litres of water… and we know what drinking water means!!!!
Today I have re-packed my hospital bag for about the 50th time. I’ve also changed bags and I still don’t feel ready or that I have everything I need! I just keep saying to myself, as long as I have clothes for me and baby and toiletries I’ll be fine… right?!?! 🤦♀️
Now I’m reaching the end zone, I’m starting to look forward to some post-pregnancy changes. Obviously cuddles with the new love of my life and being able to eat carbs, but also things I never thought would be a thing. One thing I was never told as a midwife, didn’t know it was a thing until recently… excess saliva! Oh my goodness! Seriously, what is that about?! I have never been a night time dribbler, but I now wake up looking like Homer Simpson in a Krispy Kreme! I have taken to keeping a towel next to my bed. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me… I was actually on the verge of going to the GP. But then I saw an article that said, just as with blood volume, your saliva increases in pregnancy. So I thought I would see. I wrote a post on a forum I am on and it turns out it really is a thing! And there were a LOT of women who were relieved I had started the topic! Talk about opening a can of worms! I feel this is something we should be told! So there you go ladies, you might be one of the lucky ones but if you decide to have a baby you might have to deal with epic drool before the teething kicks in!
And speaking if dribbling (I have warned before about TMI so don’t blame me)… turns out, no matter how vigilant you have been with your pelvic floor, when there is a baby pressing on your bladder, nothing is stopping that pee escaping! I can sneeze, I can cough, I can jump up and down and nothing. Baby has a wriggle and there is zilch I can do! Tena lady are my new bffs! I know this is something I need to get used to but I have done pelvic floor exercises regularly, ever since I trained as a midwife, so it just feels so unfair!
So, 36 weeks scan and clinic appointment tomorrow. I will find out if baby has decided to turn the right way or not and what the plan is for induction or c-section. I’m trying lots of positive thinking for induction or even going into labour by myself! But what will be will be.
Stay safe everyone and ciao for now!
Definitely wasn’t my waters yesterday! So all still going along nicely. I was absolutely exhausted when I got home and had the best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages. Don’t get me wrong, I still woke up but instead of lying there trying to go back to sleep I just crashed out each time! I’m making the most of that one!
I’m hoping that sleeps will have stored enough energy that I can sort some of the baby’s things out today. I’ve washed pretty much all of the clothes for the first 3 months, packed the ones for the hospital, so I just need to put the rest away in the wardrobe! Nesting time!
Any who, stay safe and ciao for now! 😁
I am sat here in my bed unable to get up. I have had the longest two weeks waiting for this moment and now, I can’t do it!!!!
Whilst I sit here, there is every possibility that the answer goes my way. But once I pee on that stick, I can’t change it!
Even my cats are getting frustrated and meowing at me!!!
It turns out actually injecting the drug instead of air makes the process a lot more successful!
I have just returned from my day 1 scan at the clinic where I discovered that the lining of my uterus is perfectly thin and my ovaries are nice and ready with no pesky follicles making an appearance. I wanted to jump out of the chair and shout hooray but I wasn’t really in a position to do that!
In summary, I am very happy right now! I have a big grin on my face, which is probably why the people sat in the coffee shop with me are giving me some strange looks. Either that or my mask wearing has given me a strange mask line in my makeup! Either way, I don’t care!
Ok, so it’s not like I just found out I am pregnant but after the last month this feels a big leap forward. I also haven’t had any huge side effects from the injections,I’ve been a little emotional and I have some whopping bruises but mostly it’s all good. Fingers crossed for more of the same with the next lot.
Once I have finished my coffee I am off home to start the next injections and a week today I will have my next scan to see what’s happening. Come on!!!!!
Stay safe everyone and ciao for now!
I don’t know why I was surprised. In fact I don’t think I was surprised. The result we wanted was an oestrogen level of less than 200, mine, well mine was over 1,000! Of course it was! This is me and nothing is straight forward. So, another week wait before another scan. I confess now that sometimes I find it hard to keep positive. Even though I know this isn’t a major thing, it is still another thing that I need to process and work through.
It’s hard to put into words why something like is hits you so hard. Ok, so I have to wait another week for another scan. It’s just a week right? But it’s like I said the other day, suddenly the clock has started ticking very loudly. Days almost seem like weeks and weeks seem like months in term of my chances of being able to conceive. It might sound melodramatic but there is already a sense of failure knowing that I was unable to do it “naturally”, I mean as naturally as one can on her own. But now, even with the help of drugs, my reproductive system is just not playing along.
I realise that so far, I sound like I must be sinking into a deep depression and I’m really not! I’m still fairly practical about the whole thing but I have waves of emotion. I would love to blame that on the Buserelin but to be honest I have always been an emotional person and my family can confirm it! I knew that this “journey” would be tough, but I think part of me thought that, coming from my family, it would be easier and more straight forward. But no, not me!
So, for now, I will continue to wait another week and I will continue to work on being positive!
Stay safe and ciao for now! x
I was so hoping that I would be starting my IVF treatment this weekend but it was just not to be… again! I have to be honest this has been frustrating. I am really trying to take things as they come but I just feel like there is always something! Thyroid sorted, injections sat ready to go but sperm donor not approved in time to be shipped from Denmark to get to the clinic. It needed to arrive by Thursday and it is now arriving on Tuesday. I understand the clinic needs the samples to be there ready to go but I just wanted to start!
I now have to wait another month and then it’s over a week of the injections before egg collection, following egg collection the embryologists will put the eggs and the sperm in a petri dish and hope they do what they need to do. I spoke to the clinic and it turns out before I undergo IVF I need to do some online learning! It’s essentially videos that talk about the process. The idea is, that after the final trigger injection, they collect around 10-15 eggs, after looking at the eggs to see which are the right size, then trying to fertilise and then seeing which ones are viable I will possibly be left with 2 or 3 that could be put back.
This is such an emotional roller coaster, but the continuing support is incredible. It will be completely worth it in the end, I know it will! I just have to stay strong! I’ve got this!!!!!
Stay safe and ciao for now!
Turns out emotions got the better of me after attempt number 3. Once again it was a failed attempt and although I felt ok about it, I think deep down it hit me much harder than I realised and I couldn’t bring myself to write about it. That was 2 months ago now and since then I have had a further appointment at the clinic and I am now going for IVF. It was never really a question of whether I would try IVF or not as I am still so desperate to have this baby. But, there are days when it is hard to be positive.
One thing that really helped me was meeting up with a group of other single mums who had been through the same thing. They all had gorgeous little ones and some had been through a similar journey to me but had finally got their bundles of joy… some of which were now school age! It was amazing and their support was invaluable. It definitely renewed my excitement and positivity.
I also made another decision this week and that was to tell the rest of my family and no longer keep it a secret. I realise that I need as much support as I can get and having such a wonderful family I needed them more than ever. I have been wanting to tell them for a while but I think the negative pregnancy tests after IUI stopped me. With hindsight I wish I had told them at the start! But hindsight it a wonderful thing! And so far, those family members I have told have been amazing and I can’t wait to share the rest of my journey with them. I am so lucky to have such a close amazing family.
So it’s time for IVF! It has been delayed slightly due to an increase in those pesky thyroid levels again, but today was the green light as they are at a good level thanks to a bit of re-jigging of medication. I have also picked donor number 2 and I am waiting for the order to arrive at the clinic. It was a lot harder this time as there appears to be an international shortage of donors due to the pandemic. As if it hasn’t caused enough problems over the last 18 months! I originally found a donor in the USA but having looked into the clinics over there, it appears they are not very strict on the limit of donor siblings so I decided to stick to Europe… I can’t stand the thought of having some weird donor sibling disaster in the future!
My last appointment was quite overwhelming. I knew about the injections I would have to give myself but I didn’t realise there was three different types! Thankfully they are prepared for us being completely overwhelmed and have an A4 sheet with the routine! I can see a lot of alarms and reminders being set in my not too distant future!
It’s funny, as someone who gives people injections on a regular basis, I am a little nervous about doing it to myself! I don’t really know why. I am also nervous about the side effects of the injections. The first one essentially puts your body through the menopause, so these are the symptoms you get. Well, if my mood swings are anything like I get every now and again with my periods, I can imagine I won’t see people until it’s over! Although the nurse said I’m more likely to cry than shout! If all goes to plan, I will be starting the injections at the end of the month. I will let you know as soon I as I have more info!
Thank you for continuing to be supportive, it feels amazing that I can now put my name to my blog!
Ciao for now and please stay safe!
x
So, here I am for a third time, dat in my car waiting to go into the clinic. Since I last wrote I had another round of IUI followed by another negative test. I have had a roller coaster of emotions lately. With the first negative test being very closely followed by the disappearance of my cat who then appeared again not long after the second IUI, dehydrated and very hungry. I then had a second negative pregnancy test.
I wasn’t sure at this point whether I should give up on IUI and go for IVF but after a good chat with one of the nurses at the clinic I have decided on a third IUI before a rethink.
I then had the amazing news that my cousin was pregnant! I am so incredibly happy for her but coming just a few days after a negative test I also felt a bit emotional. It’s such a strange set of emotions. I have never been in a situation where something can make me so happy and so sad at the same time. But my happiness for her has outweighed my self-pity and I am looking forward to a new member of the family!!!
Whilst waiting for my next IUI my other cat obviously felt she wasn’t getting nearly enough attention and started bleeding everywhere! She has a problem with her blood not clotting properly and although she is on medication three times a day, for some reason she started having bleeds again. So two nights in the veterinary hospital for her and more worry for me!
I am happy to say she is home now and the bleeding has stopped . We are just waiting on test results to see if there is another reason other than her illness.
And that leads me to today. Sat in the car in very windy and rainy weather waiting to see if third time is a charm. It means a day off placement but sometimes you just have to prioritise and I know which is more important! I am just hoping my cervix is cooperative today! Last time was more painful than the first as my cervix didn’t want to let the catheter in! Not helpful!
Please keep your fingers and toes crossed for me!
Stay safe and ciao for now. Xxx
Wannabe Mummy 