So, after a roller coaster week, it is once again not happening. I’m cross with myself as I caved and tested early this time and on Sunday, I had a faint line on the test. I started to feel this was it and I let myself get excited. I even checked with friends that I wasn’t imagining things. I repeated tests on Monday and Tuesday and both negative. Hope very rapidly disappeared. Official test day was Wednesday and there was the faintest of lines but after another test today, and looking good back, it would appear that was most likely an evaporation line.

Heartbroken feels an understatement right now but I’ve been here before. I can’t describe the yearning and need for another child and now, in my 40s, I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have waited, but then again, I wouldn’t have the gorgeous threenager sitting next to me.

I need to process, then move on. I have no more sperm from the donor and he is no longer available so we really are back to square one! We are having a family weekend and I just want to try and enjoy that. I have had people say, “But you have your little girl now, so it’s not so bad” and to an extent I guess they are right but I just don’t feel complete I feel I have so much love to give. I actually can’t find the words to describe it.

Anyway, her Ladyship needs to go to bed and it won’t happen whilst I’m sat here!

Stay safe and ciao for now.