Lockdown 😫

So I have completed 11 days in my new house in Lockdown. I am losing the plot! And I have been out to work twice in that time and done shopping for me and my Mum!! I am having one sided conversations with the kittens… pretty normal for a lot of pet owners… except I’m looking at them as if they are going to respond!!!

I have no internet in my house thanks to the previous tenant leaving his account open and unpaid… pretty much the same situation with the electricity company. An electricity company who want me to pay £95 a month… nope! So I have asked them to sort this out so I can change to a company who agree I won’t be using that much electricity!!! Oh and my 4G is pants!

I currently have no pots and pans, toaster, kettle or microwave meaning I am living on cereal and sandwiches. I have had to borrow a plate and cutlery as I don’t have these either! I am not sure where mine have all gone.. I can only assume they went to the charity shop during the clear out and Grampa’s!!! Fingers crossed my new saucepans are arriving today. 🤞

I have no bin in the kitchen either which means I have had a bin bag hanging from the cupboard… much to the joy of my kitten!

I want to go out into the garden to make it look less like a jungle but have no gardening equipment… must talk to the landlord about that!

I have so much stuff I want to chuck out but the tips aren’t open!

And despite all this I can see potential in this house! A coat of paint or 5 to get rid of the sparkly paint, pictures on the walls… a carpet cleaner… it will be a home!!!

I am trying to stay positive… I am trying not to think about the fact it is only April and we have no idea how long this could go on for. I am embracing the fact I can still go to school every now and again and see the kids and my colleagues, friends!

I am trying not to see every month that goes but one less chance of being a Mum. I know his is giving me the opportunity to do my PGCE before I become a Mum but it’s hard to get to 37 and not see every monthly cycle as another potential child gone. I know a lot of people won’t be able to understand this. But I also know a lot of women out there will. Not just single women like me but any woman who is trying for a baby. The moment you realise your period started, it Aunt Flow is visiting as my friend says, it breaks your heart just a little bit more.

I keep seeing adverts for foster parents and I am tempted… but I need to make this house suitable and by the time that happens I will probably be at uni! I cannot describe this need to be a parent. That is the other problem, I don’t know if I could let go. The children who go into foster care need so much time and support. I believe I can give that but I also don’t know if I could let them go again!

So many things going around in my head right now. So many up and down moments. And very few distractions.

So this is my lockdown so far.

Stay safe everyone, stay at home, wash your hands and remember it will end!

Distractions – a little off topic!

Well… I don’t know about the rest of you but I am pretty much done with Covid 19 now and wish it would just do one! It’s been a week of lock down here in the UK and I am going stir crazy… and I went into work on Thursday as I work in a school!

Before anyone starts having a pop and telling me others have been in lock down far longer… I know!!! But that doesn’t mean I can’t have my rant!

I think it’s amazing how people are finding ways to get through this. We have amazing people like Joe Wicks doing his online daily work out (which was harder than I was expecting!), good old Carol Vorderman doing her online maths classes and David Walliams doing his daily online story! Zoom has gone from Zero to Hero as people are trying to find new ways of socialising with their friends, virtual coffee mornings and cocktails parties, online choir practice as well as online Sunday lunches! As a human race we are remarkably resilient. We have amazing people who are volunteering to go out and about helping those who can’t get out for their essentials and retired healthcare professionals coming out of retirement to do their bit!

But I just wonder how long it can last? Will it change us as a human race? Will youngsters think that they no longer need to go out or will it make people realise just how much they appreciate the good outdoors and human contact? Or will things just go back to the way it was?

Only time will tell and we have a long way to push through before then! Wuhan is due to come out of lockdown on 8th April… the world’s eyes will be looking that way to see what will happen!

So how am I coping with the lockdown? A LOT of online learning, helping family members by getting essentials, taking part in the Joe Wicks workout and planning my move which is still currently set to go ahead next week. It would appear I will have 10 days with no internet so that will be interesting… or expensive if I cave and use my 3G! My drama group is having a weekly online chat, and my colleagues are keeping each other entertained with daily anecdotes of their lockdown lives!

But I am craving human contact right now! I still have amazing cuddles with my kittens but I haven’t had a human hug for over a week and it is killing me! I am a huggy person. I love a cuddle. I am currently exremely envious, no, jealous of those who have people in their household they can still hug. I refuse to believe I am alone in this! I can see it now, when all this is over I will be going around hugging everybody to make up for it!!!

Please comment with any lockdown ideas you have. Please share my blog! PLEASE!!! I need contact! I need distraction! Not just from Covid 19 but from the break in my journey. Because out of all of this, that is what I am finding the hardest… I know I am not alone but it would be nice to hear/read it!!!!

Take care for now, stay safe, stay inside, try Joe Wicks’ workout and we WILL get through this!

fgh <— my kitten’s contribution!!!