So, second monitoring scan done today and it showed I have 4 follicles in the left ovary and 3 in the right (these are just the follicles, we won’t know about eggs until collection). They are not quite ready yet so another scan on Monday, then hopefully egg collection on Wednesday!
All very good signs but I’m still very anxious about it all. Probably ly not helped by the nice little abscess I have on my boob! It was a late night last night trying to get antibiotics! There is also the stress of moving!!! What is it they say, it never rains, it pours!!! Not sure who they are but they’re right!
This morning was… eventful! Obviously, this is me, so nothing goes simply or smoothly. After allowing myself lots of time for traffic, Lily and I left the house early ready to drive to the clinic, ONLY I didn’t account for her NEEDING her mirror so she can see herself and her second mirror so she can see herself and me. This delayed us a bit but ok. Then we had a car decide it needed to take up two lanes so despite needing to turn left, we had to wait for the queue of traffic to very slowly turn right. Then we got stuck behind a car that didn’t know where it was going so needed to stop and look at EVERY road name in a housing estate. Traffic was pretty rubbish and I watched us go from 10 minutes early to then 10 minutes late. At which point a little voice in the back says, “Mummy, I feel poorly.” Oh, good!
Then comes the words no parent wants to hear… “Mummy, I feel sick.” I am now in the centre of Bath so quickly find a car park, pleading in my head that she won’t be sick. I park, run around the car, spot a bag and grab it, then I put it under her chin where she had her hands covering her mouth! She then pulls her hands away and says, “I’m ok now.” Right, panic stations over… move the bag away… “I’m going to be sick!” Bag straight back, just in time! Clean up and off we go!
Thank goodness for my amazing friend who was meeting us there to wait with her ladyship, who went in and explained what had happened! Needless to say, not the most relaxing start to the day!
We finally got there and the scan went as well as it could nice empty ovaries, everything looking nice and boring! Zoladex has done it’s job! So onto the next medication which is stimulates the ovaries to release those beautiful eggs. I did my first injection today with the help of her ladyship! She was disappointed that the mark from the injection disappeared and did stick around! Thanks, kid! She’s already looking forward to tomorrow’s! Oh, she has been absolutely fine since the vomit incident! She’s eaten and it playing!
I, on the other hand, am feeling horribly nauseous and now I am trying to work out whether we have got something or if it’s meds related! 🙈
It’s safe to say the side effects are kicking in! Hot flushes, seeing red when someone looks the wrong way at my child and putting a cucumber in the cutlery drawer to name a few! I’m embarrassed at how long it took me to realise why the drawer didn’t look right!
Today has been implant day! So, this morning we went off to the clinic to have my Zoladex implant. I had to take madam with me as I stupidly hadn’t arranged anyone to have her. I don’t like taking her to the clinic purely because I don’t want to upset anyone. But, I also want her to see that injections and blood tests are OK. In fact, she’s so used to them now, she holds the bottles for the nurses!
Getting out the house was the usual struggle this morning as she didn’t want to get up, then didn’t want to go for a week, didn’t want to get dressed and then wanted to face forward in the car. This last caused a major meltdown and meant a lot of deep breathing from me! It doesn’t matter how many times I explain that facing backwards is safer, she still wants to face me. We have a mirror so she can see me but she kicked that in frustration and then got cross because she couldn’t see me!!! All fun and games.
Anyway, we got to the clinic and I must confess I didn’t really know what to expect from the implant but I thought it was probably going to sting. In actual fact, it was absolutely fine and I barely felt it. It was over very quickly and we were back in the car 15 minutes after arriving and on our way home! It’s been over 2 hours now and nothing at all. I am just waiting to see if I get the joyous pseudo-menopause side effects!
I now have to wait 2 weeks for my scan which can only happen assuming I have had/are having a bleed otherwise I will need another drug.
Watch this space!
Stat safe and ciao for now!
Edit: I forgot to mention, her ladyship is currently cross with me because we didn’t bring a new baby home with us!
Wow, 9 months has flown by. Life has not exactly gone to plan. I left my job at Easter as it was negatively impacting my physical and mental health and more importantly was having a huge negative impact on my relationship with my little girl. I loved so many aspects of my job but in that line of work, if you don’t have support, it’s just unbearable. I miss the children but I lost so much confidence in myself and my teaching. I have now struggled to get a job since and that is hitting my confidence each time. The only thing that has kept me going is my daughter and the thought of having another little one. Oh and the two trips to Disneyland Paris helped! 😜
After my big fat negative in October, I was told time was of the essence to trying again. The plan was repeat bloods then get going. Only, it turned out my thyroid function tests showed I am now officially Hypothyroid. Sonic was now back to taking thyroxine and getting the TSH levels down. My TSH was 8 and had doubled from my previous tests a matter of months before. I needed the level to be below 4. Ideally, below 2.5! So, for the last 6 months I have been gradually increasing my thyroxine doses to get to the correct dose to bring it down. As of June, my levels are now down to 2.9.
My next hurdle was the fact that I had put on weight… and quite a bit too. I was eating my emotions again. So, I have been back at Slimming World so I can lose it again. So far I have lost half a stone and at my clinic appointment last week I was told I was 100g over the weight limit… I knew I should have been to the loo before i was weighed!!!!
I have had an AMH blood test which is a test thst gives an indication of egg reserves. My AMH was 7. Now, I’ll be 100% honest, that means nothing to me but my consultant said it was good! I had a quick Google (something I do not usually advocate) and I found a chart that said average for my age is 6.4 so I guess 7 is good!
My next step now is to have my SW weigh in on Tuesday, then send the weight into the clinic. I was so sure that my tests were going to be terrible and that my appointment was going to be negative, I actually didn’t really take much else in and didn’t ask the question of when I could actually start! But I am hoping asap!
I’ve talking with her highness about whether she wants a brother or sister and she has been quite adamant she wants a brother. However, I found out that she had been telling people the other day I am having 2 babies!!!! I know I always said I wanted 3 but that would be a shock!
Anyway, speaking of her highness, I need to go and convince her it is bed time. Wish me luck!
Well, it’s my birthday today. 42 years old! I was so hoping for some amazing news on my birthday but sadly not to be.
I haven’t written this time for a few reasons but 2 weeks ago I had a frozen embryo transfer with my 2nd and last embryo. Anyone who has been on the two week wait will tell you, it is the longest two weeks of your life… it even feels longer than the current 8 week term!
I was back on injections, then injections and tablets then tablets and pessaries. Honestly, IVF is so glamorous! Friday finally came, test day. And a work day! 5am came round and I was lying in bed awake. I had been waiting two weeks and just like last time, I couldn’t bring myself to do the test. But unlike last time, I had a sick , negative feeling. 5:30, with her ladyship asleep next to me , I finally got out of bed. And my biggest fear happened. Just 1 line. I did a second test just to be sure. Nothing.
I actually can’t describe the feeling of looking at those tests and knowing it’s over. It’s grief. It’s not like after the negative tests with IUI because this was actually a fertilised embryo… half the process had been done. It’s a loss. And it hurts like a loss.
I was worried about going into work but actually it helped. I have an amazing job with an amazing team and amazing children. They didn’t realise it butbthey really helped. And of course, I have an amazing young lady who puts a smile on my face. She got me through a bereavement earlier on in the year and now she is getting me through this one.
My family is not complete and I am.not giving up just yet. Although, watching her destroy my living room right now, I do wonder how much destruction would be done with two!!! 🙈
So, not the birthday I was hoping for but I get to spend it with a funny, silly, beautiful 2 year old. Thank you baby girl!
She’s 2!!! Time really does fly by! I’ve heard people say the new born phase is the hardest… I would disagree! It’s exhausting but compared with the stubborn toddler phase, it was a breeze! She gets everywhere and into everything, she’s very bossy and very stubborn! And I love her more than anything!
We are going through a phase of refusing to nap, then being grumpy and emotional because of being so tired. She’s not at the age where you can explain that a nap would make it better so it’s a case of pushing through! And let’s face it, I can’t really complain, she basically me in toddler form!
Her personality is really shining through now, she loves music, swimming, gymnastics and playing with her friends. She has the most amazing laugh as well, a real belly laugh! It’s adorable! She changes her food tastes on an hourly basis, which makes shopping and cooking a nightmare! She takes after me and loves all things Disney, particularly Stitch!
I feel so privileged to be her mum and so proud of the person she is turning into. She drives me potty but I wouldn’t change a hair on her head because she’s mine!
That’s probably why I’m thinking about number 2…!!!
Well, I’m admit, this is not a first I was looking forward to. But, I do think I’m lucky it’s taken this long! This last week we experienced our first bout of a very nasty gastro bug.. together! Her ladyship started it first, last Wednesday, then I started overnight on Thursday. It included a nice trip.to the children’s hospital for some dehydration and my washing machine has definitely been put through its paces! I also hate to think what it has done to the electricity bill as we have had the radiators and heated airer on battling to make sure we have clean babygros and pyjamas!! Oh and the bedding! 🙈
To say I am exhausted, would be an understatement. But we are doing much better. We had to postpone our Christmas outing yesterday and it will now be a new year’s outing but we definitely wouldn’t have made it!
I did have a moment over the last few days when I thought that extra person would be helpful but we had lots of snuggles, watched Christmas movies and made it through, just the two of us!
3.2.24
I started writing this blog post back in December! And as you can probably tell there was quite a bit going on so I have only just noticed I never actually pressed publish! We got through that joyous gastro bug just to pick up a flu bug for Christmas!
And now? Well, we have spent the morning in the children’s hospital following a nice little ambulance trip! My poor girl has a virus and was quite poorly overnight I phoned NHS111 in the hope of getting a GP appointment after a night of very high temperatures but was sent an ambulance instead. They then decided she needed to go in and see the doctors.
After a few hours (and a bigger dose of medicine) temperature came down and she was much more settled so we came home. We’re now lying in bed where she has been asleep for a couple of hours. It’s so hard seeing your little one even more vulnerable than they normally are. I’m just going to make sure she has lots of cuddles, until she’s better and wants to start playing and causing chaos again!
It’s not all been illness though. We had a lovely Christmas (despite my flu). Lily met Father Christmas for the first time although she was far more interested in checking out his living room and fireplace that talking to the man himself! Then, we spent New Year’s Day at Longleat. We have been before but this was the first time Lily really appreciated the animals and even became a bit of a pro at a wolf impression!
Now we just need this cold weather to go along with the bugs and we can get on with enjoying 2024!
After starting this blog 3 years ago, I have finally received my first trolling message! I’m not sure how I managed to get away with it to now but there we go!
So apparently I am a slut! Now, I’m going to confess, that actually made me laugh out loud! Of all the negative comments I thought I might get, that was not one of them!!! It makes me question whether the person has actually read this blog, or more likely, just sending insults for the sake of it!
I could have responded but, quite frankly, it’s not worth my time. I just blocked and deleted. I probably should have reported it, but I doubt anything would get done. The more I reas and hear about social media, the less inclined I am to believe anything gets done about these people. Particularly on Twitter… sorry, X!
Moving on to happier, and more exciting, news. I do believe my little genius (I’m a Mum, I am allowed to call her that), has said her first words! She started by saying what sounds like, “go” after I say ” ready…”. This is from swimming, when she sits on the side and we say, “ready…go!” and they jump in. She has also, of course, picked up the word, “no”! I am now woken by a finger up my nose and, “no, no, no, no!”
I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that my baby is 1 in two weeks time! I’m sure I was given the picture of an embryo just a few days ago!!! I look at her and still can’t believe she is actually mine. I spent so many years desperate for a child of my own and now she’s here and growing way too quickly. I want time to slow down so I can savour it all.
Anyway, time to get some sleep, this parenting this is exhausting! 🤣🙈
I am feeling incredibly chuffed right now! We have, successfully, completed two flights without issues! OK, so she slept throughout both flights and they were both less than 2 hours but hey, we did it! This isn’t the only milestone we have hit, a few weeks ago she crawled for the first time and now she is unstoppable. She also has an unbelievable determination to be on her feet! More often than not her crawling goal is to reach something (or someone) to pull herself up on. Well, either that or to chase the poor cats. The fact that she is now mobile has not gone unnoticed by the cats! They are now finding that up high is the best place to be and not backing themselves into a box!
As well as becoming more mobile, it would appear we are becoming more and more inquisitive and I think I may have to send a suggestion to the makers of Sudocrem! The lid is definitely NOT baby-proof! Fortunately, I spotted the issue before any major disaster could take place but I now make sure the cream is up high! It’s great stuff for nappy rash but the idea of having to clean it off carpets and clothes fills me with dread!
Somebody is also becoming more and more vocal as she gets older and louder! Something my dad and stepmum experienced during our week away! She has also learnt to fake noises that get me to come and check on her, for example a noise that sounds like she’s choking! How do I know it’s intentional? The smile she gives me when I look at her!!! Madam!
But, she’s my madam and I am so grateful every day to have her in my life! Every pinch, bite and kick is worth it. Every 5 o’clock wakeup. The people who helped me get to this point will never know how grateful I am because there are no words to describe it. Motherhood is everything I dreamed of and so much more.
I started this blog to help others but I feel like it’s just the ramblings of a hormonal emotional woman. Because of that, I am asking people to send me questions so that I can do a Q&A. You can ask anything about becoming a solo my by choice or fertility treatment. So, what do you want to know?
Wannabe Mummy 