What a Rollercoaster!

I really thought I would be coming on here with yet more bad news. After getting so close to my target TSH of 2.5 milliunits per litre before the new year, I was hopeful for my recent blood test. Only this time I had shot well past and I am now on 0.05! My heart sank and as the doctor discussed re-jigging my mediation I kept thinking to myself, “well here we go again for another 2 months”. I emailed the clinic with my current levels and told them I would be back in touch with the next blood test. Then I wrote in a chat group I am in and someone mentioned that they had a low TSH level but had been told they could go ahead. Well, I was straight on the phone to the clinic requesting a call back! Within just a couple of hours my consultant phoned me and asked bout medication and what the plan was. My heart sank yet again, then came the words I will never forget… “I am happy for us to go ahead and get started with your treatment, whenever you are ready!”. If I had been in the room with him, and we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic, I could have kissed him! I sat there in shock for a few minutes then realised I needed to share my news! I was trembling as I wrote messages to my Mum , Dad and step-mum and to the amazing few friends who have been through my side every step of the way.

Of course the many possibilities of what would happen now started running through my head. I had already started planning the job hunting for the end of my PGCE, after all if I was going to have to wait another 2 months before the blood test it would be another month after that for the start of treatment so there was no question of getting a job. But now, well what IF I am one of the lucky ones, one of the 13 out of 100 38 year old women who it works for first time? But then what if I’m not, what if it takes 3 attempts, or what if IUI won’t work for me and I have to go down the IVF route. Well, I can’t be left without a job! Of course if I leave it the odds reduce to 10% once I hit 39 so that’s not an option! Then I realised that my next cycle is due to start any day which means I could potentially be getting treatment in the next 2-3 weeks!

To say my brain felt like it had taken a trip into a washing machine on a spin cycle was an understatement. Then came the feeling of wanting to tell the whole world. But having to calm myself down and remind myself that I only have a 13% chance of it working so let’s not ahead of ourselves! My cats honestly must have thought I had lost the plot as I started discussing potential scenarios with them! The joy of single life in a lockdown! Which leads me on to another thought… I will most likely have to go by myself for my treatment. I don’t know how I feel about this! The original plan was always that my mum would be there, but she is shielding. To be honest I always thought it might be a bit odd to have my Mum in the room, after all, your mum wouldn’t normally be in the room at the point of conception would she?! But then this isn’t “normal”, is it?

So, the rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions continues! On top of which I have the small matter of uni lectures and assignments! I can’t help feeling this rollercoaster is going to be one of the longest of my life! But don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated of all the ups and downs along the way!

Stay safe and ciao for now!

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